I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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