I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
