No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
