I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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