i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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