she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
