she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
