that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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