Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
