Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
