im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
