The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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