happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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