i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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