Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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