this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
