HIV tests are more positive than that guy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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