The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
