i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
soo... how was my night?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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