...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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