i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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