glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
