By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
