She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
These tits shall not be calmed
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
