she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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