just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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