well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
