I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
