She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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