Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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