I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
