There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
