my shit smells like andre
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
