My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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