We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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