phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
