I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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