so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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