so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
