You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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