I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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