Three words: puerto rican gang bang
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
