I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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