Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
