So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
