i permit you to call me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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