Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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