so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
