Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
