Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
