last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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